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I now had a strange dilemma in my dope-dreary mind. How would she and I do it? How would Bob and I become one, successfully? The beast with two backs, and three legs? If I were fuckin' her good, real good, would she wrap her leg tightly around my ass? I guess doing her from behind was sort of out of the question, an issue of balance, unless there was some kind of pulley system available. Or maybe a stack of phone books would suffice.
~~~Robert Lasner for fuck's sake
I straightened my mind back into arrogant normality, and put on a face to face the rest of the night that I no longer wanted to face
~~~Robert Lasner for fuck's sake
I started to call her less and less. She already called me never and ever.
~~~Robert Lasner for fuck's sake
I didn't need her - yes I did! But it was over - no it couldn't be! I didn't love her anymore - I wanted her all the time! I was all right without her - I loved her desperately! I didn't think about her much - I dreamt about her every night! I didn't talk about her much with my friends - I bored my friends with talk about her. I was fine - no I wasn't. Really I was - really I wasn't. I didn't need Mona anymore - I hoped we'd still get married somehow. It was good to be free of her - why didn't she call? I felt great all the time - I puked in the toilet. I hoped Mona would have a good life - without me I hoped she would die. I didn't care anymore - without her love I was dying. I didn't love - yes I did - I didn't need her - yes I did - I didn't want her - yes I did. Yes I did!
~~~Robert Lasner for fuck's sake
"I don't want to live with myself," said Barley. "I can't think of anybody
worse to live with."
~~~John Le Carre The Russia House
Any decent church would have burned you bastards at the stake long ago.
~~~John Le Carre The Russia House
When the sun sets, shadows that showed at noon but small, appear most long
and terrible.
~~~Nathaniel Lee
"Very stupid people," said Beauty, "are never aware of it themselves."
~~~Jeanne-Marie Leprince de Beaumont
To love . . . is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will
certainly be wrung, and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping in
intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully around
hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the
casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket -- safe, dark,
motionless, airless -- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become
unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.
~~~C. S. Lewis
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots
to do and not doing it.
~~~Mary Little
Beware of all enterprises which require new clothes.
~~~David Mamet
My plan is to carefully scrutinize my past in the name of not being condemned to repeat it by writing myself an annual report on my birthday. ...I'm not stupid enough to think it's going to keep me from making mistakes ever again but it would be nice if at least I could start making some new ones.
~~~Merrill Markoe It's My F---ing Birthday
A girl certainly always loves to receive a bunch of free flowers. And after all, who really cares what they mean? What does it ever really mean when you send someone flowers? "Thinking of you, but not really thinking too hard."
~~~Merrill Markoe It's My F---ing Birthday
I love my friends, but it may be because they are as fucked up as I am.
~~~Merrill Markoe It's My F---ing Birthday
I've found that sometimes the illusion of progress is almost as good as progress itself.
~~~Merrill Markoe It's My F---ing Birthday
Turns out it's easier to fake orgasms than it is to fake tears.
~~~Merrill Markoe It's My F---ing Birthday
Whoever said it is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all did not mean repeatedly, exclusively, and after the age of thirty-five.
~~~Merrill Markoe It's My F---ing Birthday
...for the first time I had ascended to the coveted position of asshole in this scenario. I guess this could be construed as progress. At least the dumb girl hadn't talked me into being the victim again. But to go from being the victim to being the asshole was not the kind of progress I was hoping to make. I had finally become one of the guys I was trying to stay away from.
~~~Merrill Markoe It's My F---ing Birthday
That next date we had sex. It was incredibly great. It was like a big, hot, wet, flaming ice-cream sundae. It was sweaty. It was chilling. It was tender. It seemed personal and raunchy and endearing and athletic and comfortable. It was everything I ever wanted in a sexual experience, including a real orgasm and a call from him as soon as he got home.
~~~Merrill Markoe It's My F---ing Birthday
If I am going to live in a fantasy world, {I need to} work on developing a more impressive fantasy.
~~~Merrill Markoe It's My F---ing Birthday
My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling but it Wobbles, and the
letters get in the wrong places.
~~~A.A. Milne
His voice was deep and musical, and he sounded like a famous British actor. Any famous British actor.
~~~Garth Nix Mister Monday
"Excellent," muttered Arthur to himself. "More advice. Don't go near the Old One. Do go near the Old One. Don't stay past twelve. Trust the Will. Don't trust the Will. I wish someone would tell me something straightforward for once."
~~~Garth Nix Mister Monday
None of his family went to Church and he knew very little about any religion. Now he kind of wished he did and was also kind of glad that he didn't.
~~~Garth Nix Mister Monday
He couldn't believe that he was in this situation. He was supposed to be some sort of hero, going up against Mister Monday, and here he was without any pants on, worrying about being bitten somewhere very unpleasant by Nithling snakes. Surely no real hero would end up in this predicament.
~~~Garth Nix Mister Monday
"Charity is a very labor-intensive virtue," said the Will crossly. "And you never know where it will end. But I suppose it was well-enough done."
~~~Garth Nix Mister Monday
The world, dear Agnes, is a strange affair.
~~~Jean Baptist Moliere
And Darkness, Decay and the Red Death held illimitable dominion over all.
~~~Edgar Allan Poe
"You'd be surprised."
"At what?"
"At how much you'll lament it
when it's gone utterly, when you are perfect and unchangeable like me,
and all those human mistakes can be triumphantly supplanted by a new and
more stunning series of failures...."
~~~Anne Rice
..."one can feel desperate at any age, don't you think? The young are eternally desperate," he said frankly. "And books, they offer one hope - that a whole universe might open up from between the covers, and falling into that new universe, one is saved."
~~~Anne Rice Blackwood Farm
Nash asked for a glass of plain soda water, remarking that he had finished a lifetime of drinking earlier than one might have expected.
~~~Anne Rice Blackwood Farm
We would often be ashamed of our best actions if the world knew our
motives behind them.
~~~Francois de la Rochefoucald
Buying books would be great if we could also buy the time to read them.
~~~Arthur Schopenhauer
It is my sad duty to write down these unpleasant tales, but there is nothing stopping you from putting this book down at once and reading something happy, if you prefer that sort of thing.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Bad Beginning
If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book. In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Bad Beginning
Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about at terrible situation.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Bad Beginning
But one type of book that practically no one likes to read is a book about the law. Books about the law are notorious for being very long, very dull, and very difficult to read. This is one reason many lawyers make heaps of money. The money is an incentive - the word "incentive" here means "offered reward to persuade someone to do something you don't want to do" - to read long, dull, and difficult books.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Bad Beginning
Dramatic irony is a cruel occurrence, one that is almost always upsetting, and I'm sorry to have it appear in this story, but Violet, Klaus, and Sunny have such unfortunate lives, that it was only a matter of time before dramatic irony would rear its ugly head.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Reptile Room
One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one's regrets. Something will happen to you, and you will do the wrong thing, and for years afterward you will wish you had done something different.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Reptile Room
We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet, it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Reptile Room
Mr. Poe was kindhearted, but it is not enough in this world to be kindhearted, particularly if you are responsible for keeping children out of danger.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Wide Window
Oftentimes, when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Wide Window
If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Wide Window
Stealing is not excusable if, for instance, you are in a museum and you decide that a certain painting would look better in your house, and you simply grab the painting and take it there. But if you were very, very hungry, and you had no way of obtaining money, it might be excusable to grab the painting, take it to your house, and eat it.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Wide Window
For instance, if an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say, in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well, this isn't too bad. I don't have my left arm anymore, but at least nobody will ever ask me whether I am right-handed or left-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of, "Aaaaah! My arm! My arm!"
~~~Lemony Snicket The Miserable Mill
As I'm sure you know, whenever there is a mirror around, it is almost impossible not to take a look at yourself. Even though we all know what we look like, we all like to look at our reflections, if only to see how we're doing.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Miserable Mill
Everybody will die, but very few people want to be reminded of that fact.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Austere Academy
Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make - bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake - if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Austere Academy
There is nothing particularly wrong with salmon, of course, but like caramel candy, strawberry yogurt, and liquid carpet cleaner, if you eat too much of it you are not going to enjoy your meal.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Ersatz Elevator
To hear the phrase "our only hope" always makes one anxious, because it means that if the only hope doesn't work, there is nothing left, and that is never pleasant to think about, however true it might be.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Ersatz Elevator
One of the greatest myths in the world - and the phrase "greatest myths" is just a fancy way of saying "big fat lies" - is that troublesome things get less and less troublesome if you do them more and more. People say this myth when they are teaching children to ride bicycles, for instance, as though falling off a bicycle and skinning your knee is less troublesome the fourteenth time you do it than it is the first time. The truth is that troublesome things tend to remain troublesome no matter how many times you do them, and that you should avoid doing them unless they are absolutely urgent.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Ersatz Elevator
A newspaper, as I'm sure you know, is a collection of supposedly true stories written down by writers who either saw them happen or talked to people who did. These writers are called journalists, and like telephone operators, butchers, ballerinas, and people who clean up after horses, journalists can sometimes make mistakes.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Vile Village
The quoting of an aphorism, like the angry barking of a dog or the smell of overcooked broccoli, rarely indicates that something helpful is about to happen.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Vile Village
It is true, of course, that there is no way of knowing for sure whether or not you can trust someone, for the simple reason that circumstances change all of the time. You might know someone for several years, for instance, and trust him completely as your friend, but circumstances could change and he could become very hungry, and before you knew it you could be boiling in a soup pot, because there is no way of knowing for sure.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Vile Village
Entertaining a notion, like entertaining a baby cousin or entertaining a pack of hyenas, is a dangerous thing to refuse to do. ... if you refuse to entertain a notion - which is just a fancy way of saying that you refuse to think about a certain idea - you have to be much braver than someone who is merely facing some bloodthirsty animals, or some parents who are upset to find their little darling at the bottom of a well, because nobody knows what an idea will do when it goes off to entertain itself, particularly if the idea comes from a sinister villain.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Vile Village
"Pietrisycamollaviadelrechiotemexity," Sunny said, which you will probably recall means something along the lines of "I must admit I don't have the faintest idea of what is going on." Sunny had now said this particular thing three times over the course of her life, and she was beginning to wonder if this was something she was only going to say more and more as she grew older.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Hostile Hospital
Operating theaters are not nearly as popular as dramatic theaters, musical theaters, and movie theaters, and it is easy to see why. A dramatic theater is a large, dark room in which actors perform a play, and if you are in the audience, you can enjoy yourself by listening to the dialog and looking at the costumes. A musical theater is a large, dark room in which musicians perform a symphony, and if you are in the audience, you can enjoy yourself by listening to the melodies and watching the conductor wave his little stick around. And a movie theater is a large, dark room in which a projectionist shows a film, and if you are in the audience, you can enjoy yourself by eating popcorn and gossiping about movie stars. But an operating theater is a large, dark room in which doctors perform medical procedures, and if you are in the audience, the best thing to do is to leave at once, because there is never anything on display in an operating theater but pain, suffering, and discomfort, and for this reason most operating theaters have been closed down or have been turned into restaurants.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Hostile Hospital
"It doesn't take courage to kill someone," Klaus said. "It takes a severe lack of moral stamina."
~~~Lemony Snicket The Hostile Hospital
There are many things in this world I do not know. I do not know how butterflies get out of their cocoons without damaging their wings. I do not know why anyone would boil vegetables when roasting them is tastier. I do not know how to make olive oil, and I do not know why dogs bark before an earthquake, and I do not know why some people voluntarily choose to climb mountains where it is freezing and difficult to breathe, or live in the suburbs, where the coffee is watery and all of the houses look alike.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Hostile Hospital
Besides getting several paper cuts in the same day or receiving the news that someone in your family has betrayed you to your enemies, one of the most unpleasant experiences in life is a job interview. It is very nerve-wracking to explain to someone all the things you can do in the hopes that they will pay you to do them.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Carnivorous Carnival
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Carnivorous Carnival
...and tragedies are stories that usually begin fairly happily and then steadily go downhill until all of the characters are dead, wounded, or otherwise inconvenienced.
~~~Lemony Snicket The Carnivorous Carnival
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is
where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.
~~~Henry David Thoreau
Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist but you
will have ceased to live.
~~~Mark Twain
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